Like jokes

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

Like if your best friend has a dog.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.

Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.

I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.