I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Like Jokes
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
What game do zombies like to play?
Corpse and Robbers.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
