Like jokes
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
If you're depressed and you're crying, like this joke.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.