Like jokes
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered A minor (get it, like the chord A minor)?
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
What do u call a lesbian dinosaur?
I like alottopuss.
Why do blind kids like plane crashes?
Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.
Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
The first orphan joke be like: What does the orphan not have?
A family.
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end.