Like jokes
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
Do you like doors?
Yes, because you are adoorable.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
What does a pickle look like a p*nis?
Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."