Like jokes
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
Your nana gay, just like you, and you're made of atoms, nerd.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Your mom is gay, just like your dad.
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
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Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.