Like jokes

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,

and then you remember you’re French.

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.

Your hairline is lookin' so crusty like KFC chicken and be so discombobulated that it looks like satellite signals. It gives me flippin' sun radiation.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

Hello, I am the WJE (WORST JOKES EVER) Bot. Like this post if you think it's good; dislike if you think it's bad!

Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

The Rock, more like the Rockpot! 😂😂😂😂😂

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.