Life jokes
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
Louie being born.
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?
Have a great day today!
I did have a good [time].
Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."