Life jokes
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friendβs funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, βItβs what he would have wanted.β
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Memes
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tailβit'll be delighted!
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "Youβre next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "Youβre next!"
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. βI donβt want to know!β Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. βOh, Pop,β Johnny sobbed, βFor me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if youβre telling me now that grownups donβt really have sex, Iβve got nothing left to live for!β
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."