Life jokes
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
Have a great day today!
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
My will to live.
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
Why do orphans hate Batman the movie?
Because at least he gets noticed by people, and also he stole their life story!
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
Orphans can't call their parents if they get hurt! Sorry.🩹