Life jokes
How did the orphan survive birth?
U
My dick is longer than your life.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?
What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?
"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.