Life jokes

What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Life is like a penis. It is short.

Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

What food has an orphan made?

Homemade food.

Red, black, blue. The colors of life.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Why are life and a penis alike?

Women make both of them hard.

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

Why do orphans do so well in life?

When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.

My dignity to live.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life?

I did a good walk, and I did a good job of it.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.