Life jokes
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.
When you have nothing else to do in your life btw this is someone i know whos rude af
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
If aliens were real,
then orphans would finally have a home.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
These are meannnnn.
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!