What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
When I go to weddings old people will tell me I'm next but when I go to funerals I tell old people they're next.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
Life's full of ups and downs :D <3
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
