Life Jokes

What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?

The tree leaves them hanging.

What instrument do orphans play?

The sax alone.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his parents.

Oasis, am I right?

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

The image shows a comparison between women's and men's footwear choices for different occasions. On the women's side, there are distinct shoe styles for the office, dinner, gym, party, walking, and wearing at home. On the men's side, the same pair of blue athletic shoes is displayed for each of these occasions.

Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

Parents...

I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?

Wait a minute! What am I talking about?

Karolien's life.

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

I want to die.

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.