Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Life is like a penis. It is short.
Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
