Life jokes
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Black lives matter.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What do you call an orphan's family region?
Me time.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."