Life jokes

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

YouTubers: Among Us in real life.

Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

What game does an emo hate the most?

Life!

If aliens were real,

then orphans would finally have a home.

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

Like this if you have ever had a family member die.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

I hate life, and I'm gay.