Life jokes

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!

What's the cruelest joke?

Life.

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Why do orphans like the game Adopt Me? Because they've never been adopted in their life.

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?

1 baby on 10,000 trees.