Life jokes
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
Why was the orphan so successful? Because when they were told “go big or go home,” they only had one option.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Me die.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life on the rhyme side!
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure."
It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
Your own life, hah!
My entire existence.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
Your life, ahhahaha!