Life jokes

What will make a depressed teenager happy?

A cliff.

What is an orphan's favorite show?

"Full House."

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

Monster: “I will devour your family.”

Orphan: “Oh.”

How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they sit in the dark crying.

None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

What's the cruelest joke?

Life.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.