Life jokes
How to not exist: Kys.
Not a joke?
More like not an existing organism in life.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.
I didn’t orphan never say home.
Because they didn’t have one.
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
What do you call a depressed person's life?
At this point, nonexistent.
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."