Life Jokes

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.

Why is death taken so lightly?

Because anyone can take it.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

This won’t end well..

A cartoon character with a big, toothy grin is flying on a balloon over a city skyline with the two towers of the World Trade Center prominently visible.

What's the cruelest joke?

Life.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.