Life jokes
Go touch some grass, bro.
Being pro-life.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
What type of jokes do you tell an orphan?
Family jokes.
If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?
Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
"Full House."