Life jokes

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Why do orphans like the game Adopt Me? Because they've never been adopted in their life.

My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.

Why can't orphans go outside?

Because their parents aren't there to watch them!

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."

Love y'all so much!

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?

Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?

Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.