Life jokes
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What is an orphan's favorite show?
"Full House."
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.
What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
End everything and your life, Steven Roca!