Life jokes
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Me trying to make improvements to my life
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life on the rhyme side!
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.
Beethoven composed his whole life.
What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
"One man's trash is another man's treasure."
It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.
Me die.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.