Life jokes

Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.

If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.

Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?

A cabbage patch.

What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

What's the cruelest joke?

Life.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Why do orphans like the game Adopt Me? Because they've never been adopted in their life.

"I swear I'm the real Gwen! I swear on my life!"

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!

Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.