Life jokes
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
Why was the orphan so successful? Because when they were told “go big or go home,” they only had one option.
Go touch some grass, bro.
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Being pro-life.
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?
Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.