Life jokes
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
A: Who can tell me a joke?
B: Life.
What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?
Parents' evening.
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?
One is beautiful.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
Kid: Hey, why am I an orphan?
Adult: I don't know, ask your parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't reach home.
You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.
What’s the difference between you and an orphan...
NOTHING!
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
Gina: Ha! YOU HAVE NOTHING!
Orphan: Yes I do.
Gina: What do you have then?
Orphan: Parents.
Gina: LIAR!
You die. LOL!