Least jokes
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?
At least the Twin Towers saw the parents they crashed on.
What's Penaldo's least favorite food?
Indian Murukku, because it reminds him of Morocco! 🤣🤣🤣
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.