Law jokes

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I'm illegal.

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?

One is wanted.

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!

I give props to pedophiles.

They always go slow in the school zones.

Gun control...

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?

Marry her.

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"

A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit