Law jokes
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.
Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.