Law jokes

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

I'm illegal.

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

I give props to pedophiles.

They always go slow in the school zones.

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!

Gun control...

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?

Marry her.

Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!

Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.