Law jokes
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
I'm illegal.
Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.
I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Memes
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
Gun control...
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her.
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!