Law Jokes

It's okay, you had socks on :)

You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.

Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...

What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?

He raped her.

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.

What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

When is a rape victim right?

When she admits she lied.

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?

A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner is wanted!

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)