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And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

What happened to the police that crossed the road?

They solved a murder involving the nut case.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.

If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.

Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost the case.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I'm in school lol.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.