What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
"You suck. I don't wanna be married anymore ://////"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
