Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.
Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
Gun control...
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
