Law jokes
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Where can't orphans park?
Parent child.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.