Law jokes

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

I groomed 2 minors today.

I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

Why do orphans like being criminals?

Because then someone actually wants them.

Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?

Because they weren't even wanted.

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?

Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?

Answer: Insider trading.

What do you call an adopted orphan?

Wanted.

What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?

One is wanted.

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.