Law Enforcement jokes
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.