Law Enforcement Jokes

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

1 like = 1 more child in my basement.

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?

"I guess orange is the new black."

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.