Last

Last jokes

Dad

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Asian

Why are all Asians so skinny?

Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.

Bucket

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

Grenade

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Dentist

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Mother

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

School

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

Tower

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Stairs

Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

Song

What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?

~they're both a dick in a box.

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  • Girl

    A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

    That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

    That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

    Book

    Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

    Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

    Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

    Word

    I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

    Meat

    I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

    Family

    People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

    1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

    2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

    Last but not least, we play Twister.

    Word

    Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

    A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

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  • Man

    Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

    Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

    Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.