Last jokes

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

Jo Mama is so fat, I left her printing last year, and she is still printing!

Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.

Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

What did the orphan say to his dad last?

Please get non-fat milk!

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?

~they're both a dick in a box.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.