Last jokes

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What did the orphan say to his dad last?

Please get non-fat milk!

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?

~they're both a dick in a box.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."