My friend said to me that I am gay my response I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night
Whats the difference between a dad and an Emo? they both dont last awhile
Last night i had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't REEL
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain"
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
I did phone sex but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the chargin cored
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
What was the last thing that went through the 9/11 jumpers heads?
Their ankles.
Why is the last part of orphanage age ? Because it doesn't matter your age
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
I ate the last of my Egyptian food and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
last christmas i took a picture of your mom
Its still printing
My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day The last entry was about 12 years old
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday, he gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it. I asked him what was the bullseye for he said target practice
