Language jokes
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.
Memes
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
What do you call a bee from America?
A USB.
What do you call a ball with no hair? A Mexican ball.
If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.
What do you call an idiot?
An absolute imbecile.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
What do you call a person with no body or a nose?
Nobody knows.
"Ohh wing wing."
Do you know Bumo?
Bumo deez nuts.
Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.
You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)
Never mind. You won't understand.