Middle Jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

What does an apple and a gay person have in common?

Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.

How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!

🤣😂😆😁

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?

Because there were too many knights.

What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?

They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

Like this if you are in elementary, middle school, or high school.

You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.

I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you

You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*