Language jokes

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.

1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?

2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?

Q: Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

A: Because every play has a cast.

Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?

My name is Gunter.

Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?

Beth-la-ham

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

What did the letter A say to the letter B?

"Z" you later.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."

Do you know what I found in my letter soup?

A space.

First human comes.

Sans: That was pun intended.