Language jokes
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
Tung tung tung sahur. Three tungs when you say his name? So many tungs I oughta call you a polyglot.
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
Why did you say not to?
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have nobody to call daddy.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
Say "invented" without the first "n".
Flat.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
What do you call a Spanish footballer without legs?
Gracias.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."