Language jokes
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alex.
Alex who?
Lalicks your balls.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Wanna hear a long joke?
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!!
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.