Language jokes

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Who."

"Who who?"

"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"

Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.

What type of alphabet does an elf learn?

The elf-abet.

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

Today, I invented a new word: "plagiarism."

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

Wanna hear a long joke?

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Robin.

Robin who?

Robin you, that is who.

Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."

How do poets say hello?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?

"I'm not a-moosed right now."

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.