Language jokes

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

Denise.

What more is there to say?

What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

Your AMAMA.

How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.

Glip gloop glap.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: A broken pencil.

Friend: A broken pencil who?

Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!

Sugar Honey Ice Tea.

I FORGOT MY JOKE!

You thought his puns were bad, wait till you sea mine!

I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger!

Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.

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Can I tell you a cat joke?

Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.