Language Jokes

What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.

What do you call a surprised Chinese man?

Answer: Ho Lee Fuk.

The "F" in "orphan" stands for family, but there is no "F" in "orphan."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Robin.

Robin who?

Robin you, that is who.

What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"

"we are not the same"🖕🗿🖕

A screenshot of a social media thread featuring three comments. The first comment reads, "Does your doors dont have locks?" The second comment replies, "Does youre english haveth good?" The third comment concludes, "You speak english because its the only language you know. I speak english because its the only language you know. We re not the same."

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."

How do poets say hello?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

Today, I invented a new word: "plagiarism."

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

Wanna hear a long joke?

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!!

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrel-elephant ;)

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."