Language jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
I am not that good at making ice jokes, but it will suffice.
I am only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why.
What do bitches say?
"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
My name is Gunter.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
See, I was always told puns are funny.
But I can see now they aren't punny.
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
I make science puns, but only periodically.
How do you shrivel a dick?
What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?
Core-an (Korean)
Friend: Eric, spell mouse.
Eric: M O U S.
Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Fix the door, it's broken!
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"
Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."
You guys have very baaaaaaa-d puns!