What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Friend: Eric, spell mouse.
Eric: M O U S.
Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Fix the door, it's broken!
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
Finish the sentence.
Salt and Vi.....
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.