Language jokes
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.
When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!
These are some of the greatest names ever: Dixie Normous, Dixie Rekt, Ka Monmi, Ice Wallow Kum, Dick Sinsider, Anita Biggerman.
I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.
I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.
My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!
What did Saturday say on the day before Friday?
I’m thursty (Thursday).
What did one bear reply to his bad pun?
"Bear with me!"