Language jokes
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Esteban.
Esteban who?
If you do not open the door, Esteban you!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
I’m friends with 25 letters. I don’t know y!
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.
When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!
These are some of the greatest names ever: Dixie Normous, Dixie Rekt, Ka Monmi, Ice Wallow Kum, Dick Sinsider, Anita Biggerman.
I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.