Land jokes
"Why is Peter Pan always flying?"
"He never lands."
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
What’s the issue with 9/11 jokes?
They never land.
Just like the planes.
Why did the caretaker of the Twin Towers get sacked?
He left the landing lights on.
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
Stephen landed at Tilted and got 199 pumped, he's 1 shot!
The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."
Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?
Because he didn't land either.
Obama has dih.
But the Twin Towers just had a hard landing.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"