Kind jokes
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A bullfrog!
What kind of star will come out in the daytime?
A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
A: Guess what kind of men/women do gold diggers like?
Q: One that has a sense of money.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What kind of people love donuts in the morning? Cops, because they don't have anything else to do.
What kind of chair inhabits your soul?
A hair!
What kind of pillow makes sounds?
Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
My dad is nice!
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.