Kill jokes
I killed my cat.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
Why did the cheetah kill the lion? Because he farted.
I know my jokes suck.
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?
It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky, too. *laughs manically*
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?
It danced its a** off.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.