Kill Jokes

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.

Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.

A comic strip shows people dressed in Harry Potter costumes waiting outside a store with a sign that reads 'Midnight Sale'. The text reads 'THE PAST... "IT WAS THE EARLY 2000s. A TIME WHEN WE ALL LEARNED TO TAKE PRECAUTIONS AGAINST SPOILERS." I'VE AVOIDED READING NEWSPAPERS AND EVEN LOGGED OFF OF THE WORLD WIDE WEB TO MAKE SURE THAT THE NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK ISN'T RUINED FOR ME. "ME TOO! I'M NOT GOING TO CHECK MY GEOCITIES PAGE UNTIL I'M THROUGH THE BOOK!" MIDNIGHT SALE SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE! SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE! -OOOOOOOORRRRE! NOOOOOOOO!'. In the next panels, Deadpool in a Harry Potter themed cloak spoils the book.

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

*America shoots down balloon*

China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

USA: "What?!"

China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.