Kill

Kill Jokes

Depression

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

Baby

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

Librarian

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

Fan

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

Class

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

A yellow minion with one eye and blue overalls stands on the left. To the right, there is a text that begins: "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." and continues with a long, aggressive monologue.

Adoption

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Suicide

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

Razor

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

Grandpa

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

Train

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH

Mime

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

Orphan

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

Crow

They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!

They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!

Jason

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Child

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

Game

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.