Kid jokes
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?
'Cause they're dark.
This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:
TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."
Smart kid!
Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
Nerd: Because they're marsupials.
Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.
Yo mama so dumb, when a kid told her to “give her a fag,” she kidnapped Ricardo!
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Kid: Hey, why am I an orphan?
Adult: I don't know, ask your parents.
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?