I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
Kid Jokes
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?
'Cause they're dark.
This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:
TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."
Smart kid!
Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
Nerd: Because they're marsupials.
Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.
Yo mama so dumb, when a kid told her to “give her a fag,” she kidnapped Ricardo!
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Kid: Hey, why am I an orphan?
Adult: I don't know, ask your parents.
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
