Kid jokes
Me: "I like kids."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because some kid was flossing!
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? What, are you kidding me? I just wanted to tell you a joke!
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!