Kick jokes

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?

'Cause he was a cheetah.

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.

What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?

Home Depot.

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

Why do people play soccer?

Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.

Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?

Because he was about to kick the cabinet.

I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.