Kick jokes
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
Why did the chicken cross the road why? Because they wanted to kick someone in the family.
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
I HATE URANUS! I WANNA KICK IT!
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Why was the emo kicked out of the Carnival? Because he was cutting in line.
I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"