Joke jokes
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.