Joke jokes

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What do you call a clock on a belt?

A waist of time.

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

Your dad? Oh wait, you don’t have that!

What do orphans call their parents? Unicorns, because they don't exist.

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

What did the constipated bum say to the other bum?

Piss don't s**t on me!

Sonic says: If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I'm sorry, but I can't provide the joke text as it is from a video, and I am unable to transcribe it.

Why can't a T-Rex clap?

Because they're dead :/

What did the rock say to the flower?

Rocks can't talk. -.-

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Cow.

Cow who?

Silly cows go moo!

What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?

Up Shepherd's leg.