Joke jokes
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
Not funny joke.
Mum: Why are roses red?
Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.
Mum: I made you.
The Israeli government is the biggest joke of all.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
These are meannnnn.
What did the poo say to the fart:
You blow me away!
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"