Joke jokes
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What's the difference between a businessman and a businesswoman? Wo!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.
What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
Wanna hear a joooooooke?
Your life.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.