Joke jokes
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.
My friend: What’s wrong?
Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
What has two wings and an arrow?
The Chinese telephone, wing wing, arrow.
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken!
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”