Joke jokes

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

What do you call a chill transgender?

Fictional.

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

Are you a banana...

because I find you a-peeling!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to Birds Eye.

Papyrus: Sans, stop being a lazy Bones.

Sans: Why bro, guess you don't have the back bone to do anything, heheh.

So, no head?

Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?

He mist.

What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?

They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?

Satisfying.

What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?

The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.

What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?

Chunky Tomato Soup.

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.