Joke jokes
What do orphans call a family pic?
A selfie.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
I'm a rapist.