Joke jokes
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The exylo-bone!
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.