Joke jokes
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The exylo-bone!
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.