Joke jokes
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
What do you call a Chinese man in the summer heat? Boi Ling.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.